


It's Warm Beneath The Snow (of an Avalanche)

by noseriouslythisis



Series: Struck by Lightning, Drowned by Thunder [2]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: M/M, Stickhandling 101
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-24
Updated: 2017-08-24
Packaged: 2018-12-19 09:58:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11895312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noseriouslythisis/pseuds/noseriouslythisis
Summary: Reunited once again, they struggled to find equilibrium. What happens, when you can barely look at each other without hurting, and yet are drawn together like magnets?





	It's Warm Beneath The Snow (of an Avalanche)

**Author's Note:**

> At last, part two. And hey, there's even a hopeful ending.
> 
> Many thanks, as always, to my beta R.

When Jo found out he had been traded to the Avalanche, he did not quite know whether he should laugh or cry. A couple years ago this would have been amazing, reunited with Nate once again. Now… now they could barely be in the same room without hurting each other, whether they meant to or not. Hooking up out of frustration and anger, pain and longing, and afterwards feeling worse than before, and radio silence in between. 

He had no delusions, he knew exactly what had gone wrong. They didn’t do well apart, never had. Add to that his struggles with hockey, with his team, while Nate lit up the league, because of course he did. Jo had gone to therapy, he had sorted through some shit, wading out of the depression he had found himself in, and now, after months and months of no contact with the fucking love of his life who he hurt so bad he could barely think about it, he was going to have to see him, every day, play with him again, in Colorado of all places. At least he was out of Tampa.

 

Tampa had been…. He loved the city, he really did. But it did him no good, always chafing against coaches and teammates and himself, even. When he heard that they described him as toxic in the room, after having finally gotten rid of him, he clenched his fists, very deliberately did  _ not _ throw the next thing he could find against the wall because dammit, he would not let them hold him back again, and went to the gym where he punched a bag until his arms were shaking.

Nate had sent him a message, when he first heard. Welcomed him to the Avalanche. Jo had stared at the message for a long, long time. He might as well have been a complete stranger, nothing personal in the message no matter how much you squinted. Two days later, he sent out a  _ Thanks _ and turned his phone off.

The move went smoothly. Some of his new teammates helped him unpack, set up his new apartment. They asked him if he was excited to play with Nate again, and when he only managed a small smile and a “sure,” they dropped it after a look of warning from their captain. Jo knew Gabe and Nate were close, and he probably had had front row seats to him breaking Nate’s heart. Great.

 

He only saw Nate once training camp started. Because they were Nate and Jo, they fell back into each other’s orbit without conscious thought, but oh, it hurt. It was nothing like the easy companionship they had once shared, still drawn to each other like magnets but almost cold. Or rather, it was like going through the motions, performing roles in a play they had half forgotten. Their team gave them side eyes, evidently at least partially more perceptive than his old team had been. In Tampa, he could have had panic attacks in the locker room and no one would have given a damn (Not that that had happened to him once, of course not, fucking…..)

They were a good bunch, and obviously all loved Nate to bits. Jo didn’t blame them. He knew how hard it was to dislike Nate. He had tried.

They lasted all throughout training camp, through pre season even. The third regular season game broke them.

Training had gone well. The test games had gone well. They were good, so much better than last season, but they had been so far down that even scaling a mountain was not enough. They had yet to win a game, or even bring to OT.

They had just gotten shut out by the fucking Bruins, and they were upset, angry, lonely, sad and  _ hungry. _ Even with playing on the same team, it had been more than half a year since they last touched in more than a fist bump, even longer since they had really spoken, angry or otherwise. It was too much, too long, and the tether snapped.

They crashed into Jo’s apartment together, still in their post game suits, grabbing at each other, fused at the mouth. Jo couldn’t think, he was burning up, drowning in the relief that finally, finally touching Nate brought. He knew it wouldn’t last, but if they were lucky they would get one night of peace. Suddenly, he was shaken out of his contemplations by the familiar touch of a wet dog nose to his knee.  _ Shit _ .

Reluctantly, he separated from Nate and crouched down. “ _ Hey, darling. Were you good while I was out? I`m happy to see you too.” _ With his hands still full of excitedly wriggling puppy, he wearily looked up. Nate’s face was a peculiar mix of soft and perplexed. “You have a dog?” The  _ since when _ went unspoken. Jo shrugged, getting a lick across his fingers for his troubles. “Nate, this is Lucille. Lucille, meet Nate.”

Nate, too, knelt down and let the dog sniff at him, lick his fingers. “Nice to meet you, Lucy”

After Jo had fed Lucille, they washed their hands, got some coffee from the kitchen, and settled down on the couch. A little too close, but it was so ingrained into their behaviour it was hard to shake. “She helps me.” Jo said, quiet. “I gotta take care of her, and she doesn’t let me get too lost in my own mind.” A pause. “Harder to get really frustrated or angry when you got someone always wanting to cheer you up. Or would get afraid if you threw something. I learnt to channel my frustration into hockey. Punch a bag instead of a wall. Not that it helped much with staying in Tampa. But I’m more stable with her. More me.”

At some point during his speech, Nate’s hand had landed on his knee. “I didn’t know it had gotten so bad, Jo. You could have told me.”

“Could I? I could barely deal with myself at times, Nate. And we drifted so far apart…My own mind betraying me didn’t help either. And losing you…I pushed you away. Said some things I didn’t mean. Désolée, Nate.”

Nate was quiet for a moment. “I still think you could have told me. But I know how private you can be. I knew you were struggling and I let my own anger get the best of me. I didn’t always listen when I should have. I’m sorry too.”

Jo laughed, only a little bitter. “When even was the last time we really talked, Nate? The World Cup? Distance never did do us any good.” He set his empty mug down on the coffee table and leaned into Nate, laying his head on his shoulder. “ _ I missed you baby” _

A few minutes later, Lucille decided to get in on the snuggling and jumped up on their laps. They obeyed and started petting her. It helped with the residual awkwardness. This one heart to heart would not cure them of all their problems. But they could never stay away from each other, even when it hurt. They could work things out, with the help of some techniques Jo had learnt in therapy. 

Here in Colorado, he even felt as if he could go to the sports psychologist on staff.  In Tampa, this was never an option. Perhaps…tell the team about them one day too? Secrecy had never sat well with him, and he knew at least half the team knew about Nate anyways. But this was a discussion for another day. In the meantime: “Wait, is she a Toller?” Jo grinned. “Yes she is. A Nova Scotia Duck Tolling Retriever puppy was there when I went to the shelter. Real friendly face, a little goofy. I couldn’t not get her.”

Nate stared him. “A little part of you did this to fuck with me, didn’t it?”

“Not that little.”

That night marked the first step in their recovery. The last few years had hurt them both, but slowly, they learnt to communicate better, and it showed. On and off the ice both. Honestly, they were just glad their relationship had never reached Richie and Carts level of tragedy, though rumour had it they had gotten married when they were reunited in LA.

Meanwhile, they grew back together, more equipped for the intensity of their feelings than they had been as teenagers. And slowly, they healed. 

 


End file.
